When you can't walk you crawl...

We are homeless...ok, so that may be a litle overly dramatic, but it is kind of true. Due to yet another price hike within our apartment complex and their decision to stop including cable and internet and because of my decision to walk away from a 7-year job, we have turned in our notice that we are not renewing our lease. As of October 1, we will need to be in another place, or as I've jokingly stated over the past month, under a bridge. 
I have been surprised over the past month with the many offers of a room with friends. From many different people. (Thank you to those who have offered. You really have no idea how much it means to us.) 
I struggle with self esteem and my view of myself. I have never felt that I fit in, I have always felt awkward and uncomfortable, odd in my own skin. I think I missed the bit in life where you get that boost of confidence. 
Part of this journey is that I have to learn to accept rejection and not let it affect my self esteem. 
Much easier said than done I think...
Last Thursday I received yet another letter of rejection from a possible employer. It was well written and designed so it is easy to take, but still. It is not my first, and will definitely not be my last. Why is it so easy to look at closed doors as a reason to stop moving forward, despite all the cheery notes and quotes on Facebook? Why do the words "rejection notice" strike fear into my heart rather than giving me that sense of peace that this was obviously not the job for me? Why do I jokingly say I am going to end up living under a bridge? 
I am supposed to be working on yet another cover letter right now, for another job, one that I could get really excited about. This is a tough task, because in just a few short paragraphs I am supposed to sell myself when on a day to day basis, I have a hard time believing in myself. Where to find that strength? How to move beyond the tapes of failure playing in my head and step out with confidence? Some would say all the confidence you need comes from God, and while I'm sure that can be true, there are moments when you need a God with skin on. 
Since I've quit my job, I have found that I have an unbelievable support network. Not only do I have an amazing husband and parents. I have a best friend, I have people telling me that they would hire me if they had a job, I have been able to go on overnight visits to friends houses and connect with them on totally new levels of friendship, I have felt support from quarters I never expected support from. 
I am finding that sometimes the journey can be measured in the relationships you make along the way.

"When you can't run, you crawl, and when you can't crawl - when you can't do that...You find someone to carry you." Firefly

 I am blessed to have people in my world who are willing to help me crawl and are willing to help carry me when I can't crawl anymore. I am coming to recognize those people who God has asked to represent HIm with skin on.